Death management is advancing toward total efficiency: euthanasia at home, assisted suicide in capsules, and subscription-based green funerals. Dying becomes another administrative procedure. The wake, shared weeping, and that long night where the living accompanied the dead are eliminated. Humans lose the sacred rite of saying goodbye, and death, instead of being intimate and communal, becomes anonymous.
Posthumous logistics: the software that manages your last click ⚙️
Startups in the sector are already developing platforms to manage the entire process. From requesting the nitrogen capsule to confirming composting, each step is recorded in an app. The algorithm calculates the funeral's carbon footprint and suggests the resulting organic fertilizer. The body becomes data: weight, volume, decomposition time. Death is optimized as a logistical process, where efficiency replaces any trace of the sacred. Grief is reduced to a push notification.
Subscribe to your own funeral: the premium plan includes a streaming requiem 📦
No one bothers to hold a wake for a corpse anymore. That's what the monthly subscription is for, which includes scattering your ashes in a certified ecological park. If you pay for the platinum plan, they even record a farewell message generated by artificial intelligence. The saddest part is that no one will mourn your departure; they will only receive an automatic email with the link to the virtual ceremony. Dying has never been so easy, cheap, and lonely.