Dracula, the Vampire Who Needs Therapy 🦇
In Dracula: A Love Tale, Luc Besson reinvents the most famous bloodsucker as a hopeless romantic with serious attachment issues. Played by Caleb Landry Jones (who traded the optic blasts from X-Men for a dramatic cape), this count prefers tears to tragedies and sighs to scares. The result? An unintentional comedy disguised as gothic drama.
Paris, the City of Love... and the Undead
Forget Transylvania: here the Count strolls through 1900s Paris, searching among cafes and museums for his late wife... who now has the face of Matilda De Angelis. With Christoph Waltz as the priest and Zoë Bleu as the ghost from the past, the movie seems more like a love triangle with fangs than a horror story.
"Dracula was always the first influencer: he lived in a castle, had followers who entered without invitation, and a diet based on juices... from necks"
The visual effects, though impressive, raise existential doubts: Did they use Blender to make a vampire cry? Or Maya to render his midlife crisis... eternal?
The Cast No One Asked For But Everyone Will Watch
- Caleb Landry Jones: Dracula with the face of an abandoned puppy
- Christoph Waltz: The priest who clearly knows more than he says
- Matilda De Angelis: The reincarnation who probably preferred to stay dead
Amid so much drama, one hopes that at least the VFX effects include a "skip romantic scene" button. Because, let's be honest: who wants to see a vampire composing sonnets when he could be turning people into living meatballs? 🩸
The Competition Is Tough... and Has Better Dentures
With Nosferatu, Renfield, and even political vampires in the mix, this Dracula arrives at a disadvantage: his worst enemy is not the stake, but the cliché. Besson bets on making the audience cry... even if it's from laughter when the Count melancholically looks at a croissant thinking of his lost love. 🥐
It premieres in July in France, while the rest of the world wonders: did we really need a Dracula who goes to the psychologist? Maybe for the sequel they'll update him with ChatGPT so his monologues are more entertaining. Or add a cameo from Van Helsing as a life coach. After all, if Twilight could do it, why not this? 😂